neilios

People who’ve been reading for a while know that I love talking about lies and the culture of lying. I thought I’d compile a list of the top customer service lies and see if people can chime in with theirs. So far:

1. We apologize for any inconvenience.

I’ve actually had software say this to me, recently, after it informed me that it had encountered an error and was about to exit (losing all of my work). It’s about as insincere as it gets.

2. We are experiencing unusually high call volume.

If this happens so frequently that you have a message built into the phone system, then it’s not unusual. Hire fewer telephone switch programmers and more actual customer service reps.

3. Your call is important to us.

Since I haven’t spoken with anyone, you have no idea what my call is about and it can’t be terribly important to you. If I accidently dropped off the line, would I be missed? Would anyone cry? I want tears!

4. There is another bus/train directly behind this one.

Local bus/train drivers often shout this at patrons when they realize that their bus is now full. Not surprisingly, it’s often a load of bull. I can’t imagine that the driver of a bus has any clue how far back the next one is (here in Boston) unless he collided with it earlier.

5. Please listen carefully, our menus have changed.

No, no they haven’t and you’re wasting my time.

Alright, that’s all I got for now. Feel free to submit your own!